The Unreal Estate

I'm such a bad blogger. Life has been a dreary preoccupation with matters mundane, mostly of the house hunting and moving house type.
I am now the potted expert on all things pertaining to that dangerous and highly evolved beast, the real estate agent.
A friend (also suffering from House Hunter RSI) and I have compiled the Essential House Buyers Glossary, to help you read those tricky Sanskrit house descriptions.

Hope it helps.

RESORT STYLE – you don’t want to be there more than two days.

ALFRESCO – they couldn’t afford to build the roof

WALK IN ROBE – they couldn’t afford the doors

OPEN PLAN – see above

HUGE - standard 3 bedroom project home with each bedroom divided into 2

NEAT – deceased estate

FAMILY FRIENDLY – filthy

LOW MAINTENANCE GARDEN – concrete

COMPACT – dog kennel size

SUITABLE FOR RETIREES – kennel sized for Chihuahua

PRISTINE BUSH BLOCK- several senescent trees leaning dangerously over the house, weeds and rabbits.

NEUTRAL DÉCOR – can’t afford the paint

TOURISM POTENTIAL – you wouldn’t want to live there yourself

INVESTMENT - see above

INVEST OR NEST - you wouldn’t want to live there yourself, but the swallows do

QUAINT - C1950 B&B

FUNKY - Druggies live here

COSY - Microscopic

CUTE - What on earth…?

ECLECTIC - Why on earth…?

COLOURFUL - Full repaint essential

QUIRKY - Always includes a shaggy wall hanging

CHEERFUL - Vendors on Prozac