Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Unreal Estate

I'm such a bad blogger. Life has been a dreary preoccupation with matters mundane, mostly of the house hunting and moving house type.
I am now the potted expert on all things pertaining to that dangerous and highly evolved beast, the real estate agent.
A friend (also suffering from House Hunter RSI) and I have compiled the Essential House Buyers Glossary, to help you read those tricky Sanskrit house descriptions.

Hope it helps.

RESORT STYLE you don’t want to be there more than two days.

ALFRESCOthey couldn’t afford to build the roof

WALK IN ROBEthey couldn’t afford the doors

OPEN PLAN see above

HUGE - standard 3 bedroom project home with each bedroom divided into 2

NEAT – deceased estate

FAMILY FRIENDLY – filthy

LOW MAINTENANCE GARDEN – concrete

COMPACT – dog kennel size

SUITABLE FOR RETIREES – kennel sized for Chihuahua

PRISTINE BUSH BLOCK- several senescent trees leaning dangerously over the house, weeds and rabbits.

NEUTRAL DÉCOR – can’t afford the paint

TOURISM POTENTIAL – you wouldn’t want to live there yourself

INVESTMENT - see above

INVEST OR NEST - you wouldn’t want to live there yourself, but the swallows do

QUAINT - C1950 B&B

FUNKY - Druggies live here

COSY - Microscopic

CUTE - What on earth…?

ECLECTIC - Why on earth…?

COLOURFUL - Full repaint essential

QUIRKY - Always includes a shaggy wall hanging

CHEERFUL - Vendors on Prozac

1 comment:

tapperboy said...

>>>CHEERFUL - Vendors on Prozac

pmsl :)

 
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